No Phone Blues..

Oh-em-gee!! I have not seen or written in this blog in such a long time!!! I feel so nerdy just looking back at my last entry about AP and standardized tests.. What the fuck was I thinking? Anyway, I've been sitting at home just thinking about what I could possibly write here that would interest people, make them want to meet me in person, send me mass e-mails, or just add me as a friend on MySpace (Next topic!) but I have nothing..Absolutely nothing. I'm a 17 year old teenager, so my words, my "philosophies" and "theories on life" are just not that interesting. This is completely random, but I've always wanted to own one of those Apple laptops and be able to sit atop my bed and just let the words flow from my head like a pen would on paper. Unfortunately, I don't believe I've acquired that gift just yet, but one day soon, I hope I can just sit back and make people laugh and/or be compelled by my poetic words. Until that day though, I can only entertain you with my sarcastic ass humor, ill wit, charm, and smidgen of knowledge on the world's affairs....

So, onto the topic of the day, MySpace!! I cannot believe just how popular this place has gotten. Not only is it a website where you can find long-lost friends, lovers, mothers, and half-brothers (among others) but you can potentially and quite easily find the person of your dreams (or, in some peoples' cases, the epitome of your worst imaginable nightmare!) It's really funny because not only is MySpace there to help you find your next wife or husband (or stalker) but it is an EXCELLENT source of entertainment on a boring, dull, wednesday night. You do not even want to know how many hours my sister and I have wasted looking up people in our area, then laughing incredulously at their disgustingly tacky default profile pic. It makes me cringe and want to vomit my Chef Boyarde lunch the thought of that 39-year old lady propped up on her desk with her huge ta-tas hangin' out of her 3 sizes too small tank top. How can you actually believe that you're attractive??? Wait... scratch that. I think I have the slightest idea of why they could think in such an outrageously insane way. It's those damn man perverts that leave these disgustingly ugly people messages suggesting, even IMPLYING that they're, even in the slightest bit, attractive!!! The messages and comments themselves are what give these people the damn courage to post up even MORE disgustingly oppressive pictures of themselves. Have any of you ever seen the picture of the lady that has the kitty next to her, exposing more than 80% of her breastasiz, with the caption that reads "I'm a nice PUSSY?!?!" COME ON PEOPLE, do you not have the least bit of decency or pride, for that matter?? The incredibly nasty pictures of horny senior citizens does not trump over the grammar deficiencies and lack of writing skills the majority of people have on this here MySpace. When on earth have you spelled bathroom, BAFFROOM?? Or how AbOuT tHe PEoPle ThAt tYpE Like ThIs?!?! Ya know, one day you bitches are gonna get them damn hand cramps.. I don't play, CARPUL TUNNEL syndrome bitches!! My sister has that shit, and let me tell you, it is NOT a walk in the park!!

MySpace, with its catchy slogan, A Place for Friends..just makes me wonder and even acknowledge the simple fact that NO ONE in this world has a damn life. I can honestly and solemnly confess to you web junkies that I have spent countless hours "updating" my profile with senseless pictures of me and my friends "sniffing" fake crack, uploading avatars that read, "It's because I'm white, isn't it?" and hoping that in any minute, someone, anyone, hell, even that old fucking lady with the messed up grills and double chin that lives down the street from me, will leave me a damn "cliche" comment. Define cliche, you say? Well, in the world of MySpace, a cliche comment would probably be an image that says, "Have a Nice Day," or the more personal, "I Miss You." Bitch, if you fucking missed my ass, could you just pick up your damn phone and give me a jingle on the jangle every once in a blue moon? Don't sit there uploading that damn "Miss You! Hugs and Kisses!" comment if you don't know me personally. That's stalker status right there.. I can report your ass to Tom, you know that??? It's funny how people on MySpace use Tom as their protective shield, kind of like their own security blanket. "Bitch, you send me another one of those messages saying you want to be with me, I'm really gonna have to report YOUR ASS!!" For those of you who don't already know, Tom is that one particular friend on MySpace that ya don't really know, and ya don't ever really plan on knowing..on ANY level, whatsoever. He just sort of sits there, updating the MySpace so everyone and their mother (literally) can enjoy what the net really has to offer.

Have we as a society really come to this?? Do we need people to leave us comments on a website to make us feel better about ourselves? Do we need people to judge us and "rate" us based solely on our looks? To answer that question, yeah, we do. It is really sad that we've come to this, we've had to create a website that exploits us for who we are, examines our every imperfection, making us crave for the attention in any way possible. This world is so concerned with looks and you either have them or you don't. I must admit, when someone attempts to "add me as a friend", I firsts see how they measure up to my hot-o-meter. I guess you can call it judging a book by it's cover. I know that this is one of my more shallow qualities, but admit it, ALL of you do it too!!! The funniest thing I see on MySpace are those really hot girls, or for the most part, the really ugly (obese) chicks that have captions under their pictures saying, "Im SOOO UGLY!!" Now, this is a perfect example of someone who is striving for attention, probably a 13-year old who wants to make herself feel better. I don't blame her, because every once in a while, you need a nice compliment to make you feel complete. Though MySpace does seem to have its negative attributes, for the most part, it is the perfect way to connect people with others who share similar interests, whether it be knitting, or committing armed robbery. MySpace allows you, the user, to search for people around the world, find friends from the past, encounter ex-lovers who have gained 100 lbs and are now morbidly obese, or make fun of random old ladies with kitties. Whether you use MySpace for your own personal revenge, a way to pick up chicks or dudes, or as a way to waste time at your boring and eneventful job, its one sole purpose is to keep us, the narrow-minded people of this world, entertained..